This is a strange thing for me to write and even to admit to, but there have been times, over the twenty year course of my school presentations, where I’ve been ambushed by teachers, educators or other professionals who’ve taken umbrage to something I’ve said.

I’ve actually written about it before, unfortunately when I was angry, and was advised by a dear friend to modify my post to get rid of the anger, which I did.

A while back though I had a situation that really irked me.

And afterwards I realized that it’s almost always women of color who seem to do this. They get very uncomfortable with what I’m saying.

One time I was on tour in another province, doing my presentation when a teacher got upset because I had dealt with the shame I felt as a child about the color of my skin.

It’s a normal part of my presentation. I talk about how the other kids in my class used to tell me that I was brown because I was dirty and they were white because they were clean and I should go home and take a lot of baths. Then I tell them that me and my sisters did just that. We scrubbed really hard trying to get the brown off.

I do this deliberately.

There are all kinds of presuppositions involved that subtly deal with issues of racism even as the kids are laughing about how ridiculous it is.

First of all, there’s the teachers who are present. Many of them are my age. Many of them are white. Many of them grew up with these racist tropes and even advertisements of how effective soap was because it could turn a black kid white. And many of them still harbor prejudice against the black and brown children in their classes. (I’ve seen it!) By confronting the things they and their peers might have said or thought when they were growing up, I’m basically putting the teachers on notice. And having the kids laugh reinforces how ridiculous the idea is that people of color are inherently dirty.

At the same time, relating this story validates the experiences of the kids who are brown and black. Many of them might have felt the same way, and here I am debunking it loud and clear! In fact one time when I talked of this, a very dark boy, sitting at the back, who had a notorious reputation for causing trouble yelled out, “Yeah! Yeah!” when I related this story. All the kids and teachers turned to look at him, nodding his head and yelling, “Yeah!” And my heart went out to that poor kid.

Now the next presupposition that is implicit in the relating of this story is that I obviously no longer feel bad about my colored skin. The fact that I can talk about it, and even laugh about what I did trying to get white, shows that it’s not an issue for me any more!

It’s subtle but don’t think that kids don’t get it! They’re a lot more astute than we give them credit for.

So why would a teacher of color get mad at me for addressing this?

Because they don’t get the subtleties of what I’m doing and really saying. They’re looking at it on the surface, and they’re being triggered with their own feelings of growing up brown.

It’s their problem. Not mine.

They want me to do a namby pamby ‘unthreatening’ rather boring presentation that doesn’t ruffle any feathers.

Sigh.

One time it was a principal.

I’d been given an hour to do a presentation, and the teenagers were sitting so still and so engaged (which is pretty much normal for me) when the principal sent a person up to me warning me that I had five minutes left.

Fifteen minutes instead of an hour!

She was cutting me short, saying they didn’t have time.

I’ve had to cut short presentations before, but when that happens, I try to at least cover the most important points. So I do that, even though, I confess I was clearly irritated.

And then what does this principal do? She gets up in front of the group and starts yakking about this and that, and starts asking the girls what they learned from the presentation.

I sat there wondering what happened to the urgency of dismissing them? What happened to the time constraints?

And then she turned to me in front of the students and asked me to elaborate on something and finally I’d had it, and I said, right in front of everyone, I really could have used that time she’d just taken (talking about nothing) to finish my presentation.

She went on for a total of ten minutes! Oh it was awful. A power play.

But my obvious irritation didn’t do me any favors.

Apparently women of color are not supposed to get angry.

At all times we are expected to be accommodating and pleasant especially when dealing with the alpha females in their own little kingdoms.

I must be cordial.

Grrrr.

Anyway, long story short I created some difficulties for my host as he had to smooth the feathers I ruffled.

I have to remember the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) Do not get angry. Do not get angry. Do not get angry.

It never does any good.

Just relax, and put a negative experience behind me. It doesn’t matter if the kids didn’t get to hear everything I had to say. They heard what God intended them to hear. Just leave it at that.

And most importantly I need to get over myself.