My husband said I left out two major steps in my last post and that’s the one where I talk about doing it, and the other one is where I complain about doing it.

So let’s just call them: “I should…” and “It’s so hard…”

Fill in the blanks.

I know it sounds like whinging (that’s the British way of saying whining and I like it a lot more as a word because it has more onomatopoeia in that it sounds like what it is) anyway, before I actually do ‘just do it’, I spend a bit of time, okay okay, sometimes a CONSIDERABLE bit of time saying to myself, “I should do …”

But then I do that in so many aspects in my life and honestly I don’t really see anything that wrong with it.

I’ll be sitting on the sofa thinking of all the chores I need to do. And my kids would actually  make a joke of it. I’ll say out loud, “I should go clean the bathtub.” And then I won’t. I’ll sit there and think of other things and then after about five minutes have passed, I’ll say again, “I should go clean the bathtub…” only this time I’ll add, “It really is quite grimy.”

And then another five minutes will pass thinking of other things and I’ll say again, “I really should go clean the bathtub…” only this time I’ll think of how nice and shiny it will look when it’s all clean, and I’ll smile to myself, as if I’ve actually done it.

And then another five minutes will pass of me thinking of other things and then I’ll say, with a LOT more conviction, “I really should go and clean the bathtub…” and I think of how happy my husband and son (the only other people who still live here) will feel stepping into a nice clean bathtub, and I’ll feel kind of righteous because I’m going to take care of my filial duty towards them, and there’ll be that hadith in there somewhere that says ‘cleanliness is half of faith’ and I’ll be thinking that hey, cleaning the bathtub is like half of my faith, and then FINALLY I’ll lean forward, rest my hands on the armrest and get myself up and go and actually ‘just do it’.

Maybe my husband, being the annoying person he is, would just go think it and do it, but I’m not like that.

There’s a process.

The bathtub eventually does get clean, the chore eventually does get done, and the story eventually does get written, so what’s the harm?

And then after the bathtub is clean, or the story is written, I feel all righteous inside and I think to myself, “Wow, that was a lot of work! I scrubbed really hard! It wasn’t easy.” and “Oh I really like that story! Not sure if the publishers will, but that part, ooh, it gives me the shivers. Well done! That wasn’t easy! I had to go deep for it!”

And this is the part my husband would say I’m whinging, but really no, it’s just an acknowledgement in a way of the effort I’ve expended, and really what’s wrong with that???

It’s not like I say this to him.

I’m really only saying it to myself.

Kind of a pat on the back, an ‘attaboy’ or ‘attagirl’ because I just did a task that no one ever really thanks me for, but one that still needs getting done and yeah, I’m glad I did it.

If I didn’t write the story… I know perfectly well that the world would still keep revolving.

And who am I kidding, would people’s lives really be the poorer for it if I hadn’t written the story??? I’d like to think so, but it’s really true that you don’t know what you’re missing…

And yet years later, when the story does get published insha Allah, and I get some email out of the blue saying how much it meant to someone, I nod to myself, and think, “Oh yeah, they did like it. Alhamdu lillah”

And then the hardest part of all, I have to build myself up to go and start the process ALL OVER AGAIN!!

Hmmm.

Which reminds me.

I really should get back to work on that story I was thinking of!

*g*