And my brain feels like mush.
Omigosh have I ever matured in the way I deal with people.
A while ago, a contentious issue arose during some discussions I was having with some people where it was myself against everyone else in the room.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had to defend my perspective like that.
Reminded me of the time I confronted Suzanne Fisher Staples at the Children’s Literature New England Conference way back in the summer of 1996, before I was even published.
Back then I was trying to explain the Muslim point of view too and I’m quite embarrassed to say that I ended up in tears.
Not this time.
Oh it was hot at times.
I was quite opinionated, but under the circumstances there was nothing wrong with that.
But at no time did I feel overwhelmed, or at a loss. Nor did I feel ganged up on, and as a result, I wasn’t even tempted to cry.
Not at all. I didn’t even have to try not to cry. I basically held my ground, making my point without being obnoxious or saying anything that I’d have to apologize for later.
After the exchange, I felt right and good. Whether the others listened or not I had at least represented ‘my people’ to the best of my ability.
I know that sounds pompous, but hey, that’s how I felt.
The next day the chairperson took me aside to have a chat. I had a choice of recusing myself from this contentious matter. If I had felt prejudiced in any way, I definitely would have.
But honestly my heart felt clean.
And yet there was one matter I did recuse myself for because it involved a person I know personally and really dislike!
In that one I couldn’t be sure I was giving a fair assessment.
In that case, my heart felt clean only when I recused myself.
So I stuck to my guns at this point and felt good about it, but oh…
Sometimes I look back at the past and cringe.
Gosh, I was such a prickly immigrant!
So many immigrants are.
Oh well, I guess I need to cut myself some slack. It’s all been a learning process.
The nicest thing was in this more recent incident, the other committee members said to me how they could completely understand where I was coming from.
That was gratifying, that at least I’d been able to express my point of view.
But dealing with such stuff leaves you emotionally and mentally exhausted! It was a while ago, but it still left its mark.
And now I’m home and don’t have to deal with anything more contentious than ornery characters and plots that won’t twist right.
I’m home till July 13th when I have to go to Regina Saskatchewan for a festival. But just to have time to work on all the projects in my head makes me feel good!
I’m going to try to get back to work on the sequel. Got some ideas, plus I have three other story ideas I’d love to finish by the end of the summer.
So very busy!