Well I guess I must be getting more tech savvy because I did indeed figure out how to unhide my spider solitaire and freecell.

And since I’d done my work, I was itching for something to do, and I did go in and ‘unhide’ them.

Well, I was too embarrassed to blog about it, but tonight, when the girls and their hubbies came over, the one who wrote the journal that could have been published had to go on my computer to show me something and wouldn’t you know, it opened up to a half-finished game of spider solitaire.

And then the oldest came over to help with my website updating, and she saw the tell-tale icon too!

It’s so embarrassing to get busted by your own children! Especially since both of them had read the post where I’d confessed my addiction.

But really, it’s not so bad now.

And half the time, I might even play seven spider solitaire games without winning and think that’s enough. I don’t have to play till I win.

That’s improvement, right?

And as for freecell! My statistics have been hovering around 98% and I’ve had no desire whatsoever to reset and try for another win streak.

I figure 98% of 428 is pretty darn good. Who really needs a perfect ratio? And sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly daring, and I’m stuck on a game of freecell that just doesn’t seem to want to get solved, I even quit–without solving it!

I never would have done that two months ago! I would have been absolutely compelled to finish the game. No matter how blood-shot my eyes got, or ready for bed I was, I would have stuck it out because I didn’t want to ruin my pristine 100% win statistic!

How crazy is that?

I’m going to lick this, I know I will, insha Allah.

Reminds me of the times that my daughter, the one who wrote the journals, would catch me watching movies.

I really don’t watch anything too R-rated. Don’t like erotica. But really, it’s so hard to find a movie these days without a bedroom scene, and sometimes those bedroom scenes are not gratuitous titilation, they are actually important to the plot.

The first time I watch a movie, especially if it’s one I feel that artistically I should see, I’ll watch it straight through.

Oh, I cringe at the makeout scenes, but make little prayers to God to forgive me, and I just muddle on through.

Often I’ll go back and watch the movie again, only this time for analysis purposes. And during those times I’ll change the channel when the bedroom scene comes up.

Naturally my daughter would come downstairs from her religious studies in her bedroom, to get a snack from the kitchen.  And invariably this would happen right when the bedroom scene was at its worst. She’d saunter down the hallway, glimpse the T.V. screen, look away, and then glance at me. Her look said it all.

She was *disappointed*.

And my face would get hot, I’d probably be blushing.

I wonder if God was trying to teach me a lesson.

Or at least reminding me that even my reasoning for sitting through those scenes was flawed.

In fact there might be many Muslims reading this and thinking that I’m some kind of hussy. Questioning my faith and my practice of religion.

The way I see it, it’s not so much sinning that is dangerous.

In the Quran God says (and this always made me chuckle) that if in the world the people were perfect and never sinned, He would replace them with a people who did commit sins so He could forgive them.

God knows we will sin. And I know that I’m sinning in allowing my eyes to watch those steamy bedroom scenes. But I do have a purpose to it.

And the worse thing is not necessarily sinning, but in justifying it. In trying to rationalize it.

When I sin, I don’t try to sugar coat it. I try to acknowledge it as a sin, and I ask God to forgive me.

I know that I write for the real world. I write not just for Muslims but for all people, and these kind of bedroom scenes, frankly, are a part of that. And in order to get better at writing and stories I need to see what everyone else is doing. I need to keep current with market trends.

It’s research!

My daughter would always sniff when I said that. It was clear she thought I was making excuses. That was okay. I could live with that. In fact in some ways I appreciated it. I like the fact that they keep reminding me of being a better Muslim in ways where it would be easy to get lax.

And it’s funny because in some ways I’m more strict than they are. So I encourage them too.